Although you may notice the different shades of your child’s anger, they may lack the vocabulary to explain why they are angry. Another issue could be that the child sees their anger in simple terms – they either are or they are not angry, instead of seeing different levels of intensity. Before you can engage in anger management for children, you need to encourage your child to understand the situations that cause their anger.
Understanding Anger and Tantrums
You will need a mercury thermometer as well as a simple drawing of a bulb thermometer printed on cardstock that fills a page. A bulb thermometer creates an easier to understand image for children than a digital thermometer. Show your child the thermometer and ask them if they understand what happens when the temperature gets hotter.
Next, show your child the drawing of the thermometer and explain that when people get angry that it is as if they are getting hotter. If the child has recently experienced anger or has seen someone get angry (in real life or on television), ask them to describe the signs of anger (red face, body feels hot, throat may get dry). Can the child see the comparison?
Finding Reasons for Aggressive Behavior
On the drawing on the thermometer, starting just above the bulb, write the words, ‘annoyed,’ ‘irritated,’ ‘angry,’ ‘furious,’ and ‘enraged’ so the child can see the emotion become stronger as the temperature gets hotter. If you child can’t read, draw simple faces to represent these increasing strength of the emotions. (Look online for emoticons for ideas.)
Cut a slit in the cardboard, at the top and bottom of the image of the thermometer. Give your child a piece of ribbon that will loop through the slits and join together with tape. Before joining the ribbon, remove it from the drawing and have your child color half of the ribbon with a red marker. Replace it within the thermometer. With a slight tug, the child will now be able to show where their emotions sit on this scale.
Exploring Anger Management for Children
When your child understands the different degrees of anger that can be experienced, discuss how a variety of triggers can lead to experiencing different feelings. Describe different scenarios that your child has experienced or situations that they may have read about in books or seen on television or in movies.
For example:
- How would the child feel if someone took a toy that they were playing with?
- How would the child feel if someone pushed their lunch or their snack onto the floor?
- How would the child feel if someone called them a bad name?
- How would the child feel if another child wouldn’t let them sit on a particular seat on the bus?
- How would the child feel if they wanted to play with a toy that someone else is playing with and that they won’t give up?
The anger thermometer teaches children that emotions can have different degrees of intensity and that different situations will trigger a variety of responses. Post the thermometer in the child’s room (or make several for areas the child frequents) so that they can adjust the mercury/ribbon on the thermometer. This first step in anger management can help a child better understand his or her emotions and learn for what situations they can practice ways in dealing with situations that generate angry feelings.
Source: "The Anger Thermometer" in Adventures in Peacemaking by Willam J Kreidler and Lisa Furlong; Educators for Social Responsibility and Work/Family Directions, 1995.
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