People who give engagement gifts, shower presents, wedding gifts or who act in a way that assists the bride and groom should all receive thank you notes. As Emily Post points out, the year grace period for writing notes is a myth; send those notes within three months. If possible, send a note the day after receiving a gift. After a party, set a goal to write three or four notes a day so the task doesn’t become more overwhelming as time passes.
Thank You Note Stationery
Forget fill-in-the-blank or pre-printed cards and don’t even consider the informality of an email (or worse, a Facebook posting). Even if a person has been thanked in person or over the phone, a handwritten card is still necessary.
Purchase stationery, coordinating the notes with the invitations or the theme and colors of the wedding. Consider acquiring thank you notes at the same time as the invitations and other wedding stationery items. Also, find a blue or black ink pen that is comfortable to write with. Notes must be handwritten, not typed or run through a printer.
Who Gets a Thank You Notes?
Anyone who gives a gift should get a thank you note; givers of a group gift should get individual notes. Money given in any sum or as a charitable donation also requires a note. Anyone who assists in any task associated with the wedding should also receive a thank you. This includes people who host parties, house or entertain wedding guests, sign for packages when the bride and groom aren’t home, or assist in any way before, during or after the ceremony.
Send a thank you note to parents or hosts who pay for the wedding, vendors who exceed expectations, and wedding attendants. Some people may warrant two notes that will cover the specifics of everything they have done and given.
Express Gratitude for a Gift
Start the note with “Dear ___,” so the individual knows that the bride or groom has written this note specifically for them and hasn’t hired someone to write the notes or isn’t following a generic sample. Then, go right into, “Thank you for the ___.” Be specific so the person knows you are acknowledging their gift.
If the gift was money, Leslie Harpold of The Morning News suggests phrases such as, ‘your kindness’ or ‘your generosity” as opposed to mentioning the exact amount (although Emily Post feels that is an option).
Next, discuss how the item will be used. If the item will be returned or was horrendous, avoid including these details. Also, avoid exaggeration – don’t tell everyone theirs was the best gift received. “We will think of you every Sunday morning we make waffles.” “Allowing my college roommate to stay with you gave her a wonderful opportunity to discover the hidden treasures of our town.” If cash was the gift, describe how it will be used.
Personalize a Note
Mention something about the person and their relationship with the bride and groom – why was the individual or the couple invited to share the couple’s big day? Include a comment about their job hunt, upcoming wedding or baby, or move. I
f the gift is from a relative rarely seen, it is acceptable to state that they are in the bride and groom’s thoughts. If the individual is a close part of the bride and groom’s life, remark on seeing them soon at the hairdresser, school, work, gym, etc. End the note by thanking the gift giver again. Sign the note ‘love,’ ‘yours truly,’ ‘sincerely,’ whatever works.
Remember, that a thank you note isn’t a letter about what is going on with the bride and groom (‘we have been going crazy with our move’). It is a sincere and heartfelt appreciation of the other person’s actions. The note should be short with personal details and it should be mailed as soon as possible.
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